Dinner, strike 2?

Met up with Car after masters. Walked around, hung around her place… nothing spectacular. Dinner was good, had Kobe Jones with colleagues. On my way to drop her off she said she’ll leave me at the wharf… then in the corner of bathurst and Kent she did it again… she even said this is the break up place. He wish is my command, I shall make the corner our breakup place. I will do her this last favour and help her carry stuff from CBR. After this, I will break up with her. Give her all her shit back and just finish this downward spiraling relationship. She is doing a very good job in making me feel distant. She doesnt tell me her plans, keep all her plans private, fear that I know too much about her… honestly, I dont think she trusts me or respects me. At least she could have told me she was going to leave me indefinitely,  or that she is planning to leave next Friday. If she had me in mind, she would have told me so I can change my dates, or she can defer her start date till a bit later. All she cares about is herself. That is ok because I no longer care about her. This relationship is going no where. Sunday will be the day I ride myself of such baggage.

Also, why do you want to get there by 1030? Saturday is my sleep in day and now I need to wake up and drive. I will then need to drive back…. as I said, this will be my final favour to you………

Car

Picked up the car today and it feels and looks new. Car told me she received the formal offer, despite the fact that she was informally offered the job. Then she blames me for not ‘guessing’ this will happen and that I will be at the snow on the day she leaves. If she told me, then I would have done differently.

Following on…. she is still hinting about breaking up and that I’ll be ok being single and that she will also handle single life. I’m sure I’ll be ok since I’ve been living a single for a year now. Likewise she has fine the same.

I’m just waiting for her to do the decent thing and break up with me. I don’t want to be the bad person. Then again, even if I call it off, people will not judge me since she is the one who left me.
The question now is… when ?

Next time

Next time you suggest we break up, I will think about it. The second time I will seriously contemplate and I will take up on your offer on your third time.

You suggested it today so that is strike one……

Breakup.

It’s not whether we break up, its when. Maybe its my fault but I feel that you want the break up more than me. Excuse my French but you are treating me like shit. You keep all your plans to yourself and then expect me to be content with plans you don’t tell me about. I show indifference and you question why I am indifferent. My answer is simple, I’ve learnt not to care about what you do. I let you go and study abroad. You then question me why I let you go. Mt answer was, and still holds true is, its because I’ve learnt not to care or affect your decisions. Some may say I’m brave, I’m just stupid for not breaking up earlier.  Now you are back, you will fly away indefinitely. It would be alright if I thought you are worth the trouble but in actual fact, you are treating me like shit.

You don’t care about what I think, and you really expect me to be ok with you leave?? The quick answer is yes. I am ok because the moment you suggested that you may be leaving, I knew instantly my decision to break up is justified. It doesn’t matter if you get whatever you are waiting for, just the fact that you are waiting for this news is enough. If you get it, you will leave me indefinitely. I am seriously sick of having a long distance relationship. At least I can say I survived but you are just pushing it. I would let my boundaries extend if I feel its worth it. Unfortunately, by the way you treat me, and your lack of consultation demonstrates your lack of care towards me. I knew my value is limited in your eyes and why should I care about you when you, yourself don’t care about me. You always ask me what my long term plans are, I try to accommodate you but no matter what I say, its not good enough. The simple fact is, we have different motivations which will ultimately lead to different paths. Yes, you are smarter than me, I know your care for me is good, but…. yes, there is always a but…. I feel obliged to do what you are not brave enough to say. Let’s break. It’ll be good for the both of us. We are at an intersection on a one way street, I want to stay a bit longer so I can check if its safe but you want to go ahead. Sometimes once the decision has been made to move forward, there is no going back.

I don’t want to lie to you anymore, I don’t miss you anymorei and it kills me to say this…. I loved you but I lost it along the way.

Guess that’s it then… all I need to do now is to POP the suggestion.

Quick update

Car is being fixed and due to my bro’s indifference about getting a new car so I’m not going to look. I’ll take the vectra fix the car and use it. Since he does not care, I won’t care.

Over steer on a FWD

I managed to over steer and crash my vectra. I’m just lucky not to injure anyone.

LANCER and Type R….

Nearly bought myself the Lancer then I was interested in the Type R. Too bad the vectra is not worth anything but its good to know that we will definitely keep the veccy. Since that is decided, I’ll put in some effort and fix the car.

I just realised, why should I stress over whether my bro needs a car when I’m in Canberra ? It’s him who will be missing the car, not me. Since that is the case, I’m not going to look. Like he always says, I just can’t be bothered. It’s his choice now, not mine. I’m going to get some new tyres for the veccy, fix the exhaust and I’m sure the car will last a couple more years. 

Treasury and corolla

Got offered a role in treasury yesterday and I someone managed to get myself a car I seriously doubted I will get… the most un-inspiring dull car available. I’ve raved on about people who buy these cars and now I’m on my way to get one for myself.

That had taught me a lesson on not to be so single minded and absolute. There is nothing as never as things always happen that is not expected.

Never thought I will be working in tax, as well as driving a corolla. Shit happens, I happened. 

Sick of waiting….

Better sleep then.
At least you can tell me what’s happening. You hate waiting but what about me? I also have the same amount of time as you. Should I be wasting my time on you?

Promo fail

Failed at getting my promotion…. all that wait for nothing. I’m a little disappointed.

I have my masters exam I’m Thursday. Carmen is here visiting me.